J. D. Salinger's "New" Work

Thought Process After Hearing About J. D. Salinger’s “New” Short Stories (because the imp of the perverse is strong within me):

I just spent the last fifteen minutes think/writing (“imagining” if you will) a bitchy op-ed piece in the voice of J. D. Salinger’s college rival, a journalism major at their unnamed but undoubtedly New England private college called either “J.D. Salinger Needs To Get Over Himself Already” or “Nobody’s Going to Care in 70 Years, Mr. Most Likely To Be A Hermit.” 

I was making tea and cracking myself up (because I live a bleary tea-totaling life) when it dawned on me that this may be horribly disrespectful to a master of the short story and since it in no way reflects my true feelings about Mr. Salinger or his work, perhaps I should not be so unkind or disingenuous in my thoughts. I imagined the ghost of J.D. Salinger standing across the counter from me, shaking his head in disappointment with those doleful eyes and slightly jowly Bogart-esque face, disappointed that, as a writer, I would disrespect both him and the very art I love using a voice lacking in authenticity imagining a bitchy/satirical op-ed piece instead of writing said piece because unless you're doing it, it's just bullshit, really. And those eyes, such disappointment!

"You assholes are the reason I took off."

And then I completely lost my shit. 

So, Ghost of Mr Salinger, I should apologize for having a laugh at your expense (sorta) but that would, indeed, be phony. Instead, thank you for giving me this moment to freak the fuck out and realize that I it’s been two days since I wrote (and I had been on such a good streak for awhile, damnit!) because it forced me to sit down a write this… which could be part of a bigger project...sure, that’s how I’ll justify watching another episode of Luther instead of writing.

Fuck you, Salinger. Idris Elba laughs at all my jokes.

Truthfully, I am quite thrilled there is new Salinger in the world! I want to put it in my skull and Cuisinart that shit to a nice juicy pulp so it can flavor my imaginings for weeks. Thank you, O Great (but doleful) One!